-Puff

“Hi, I’m Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee, and it causes me to be short with my family. I can’t sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe, and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago, I ran out of Vanilla ice cream, and struck my wife. Then I find out, my wife’s been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?! “

Beer pong

Six cups (Solo® brand party cups are the preferred style) are arranged in a triangle on each side a long table.  The cups are then filled with 1/3 of a beer for a total of 2 beers per side.  Each person/team throws a pingpong ball (2 balls are thrown per turn) from behind their side of the table at the opposing teams cups.  Any cups made during a turn are drank by the opposing team.  Other rules:

1. DONT BE A BITCH! – If you lose you drink the other teams cups too (people are waiting so drink them fast)
2. ELBOWS PEOPLE – At no point should your elbow go beyond the edge of the table, if it does and the other teams calls you on it you drink a cup
3. EYE-TO-EYE – For those of you who don’t know when there are 2 new teams on the table the team that shoots first will be determined using the following procedure:
   • One player from each team will get a ball and look eachother in the eye
   • On 3 both players will shoot, the team making the ball shoots first
   • If both teams miss or both teams make the ball team-mates switch and the process is repeated as necessary
4. BOUNCES – Personally I don’t like this rule … but bounces count as 2 cups
5. DRINK FAST – Either drink it fast or … well don’t be a pussy drink it fast. If the other team makes the cup in your hand or the same cup twice YOU LOSE! … get the fuck off the table
6. FINGERING AND BLOWING – I know what your thinking and no!
   • Fingering – Refers to when the ball is spinning inside the cup and fingers are used to scoop it out. In this house there will be none of this
   • Blowing – Pretty much the same thing except you blow the ball out of the cup instead of fingering it … this is reserved for females only … as it should be

Quarters

There are many variations of the game quarters so I am only going to mention a few played here at shenantics.

Traditional

Collins Style

Five glasses are set up (2 shot glasses, 2 medium cups, eg coffee, and 1 regular, eg solo cup) on a table.  Two players start shooting at the pyramid starting with the shotglasses.  The game is played in tiers, each player must make the shot glass before they can make the coffee cup and must make the coffee cup before the regular cup.  Once a player (called Collin) makes a cup he is allowed to cover the cup of the other player.  The player must then forfeit their quarter to Collin and must drink the made beer before they can start shooting again using Collin’s quarter. The first person to make the regular cup wins the match.

Anchorman

Each team starts by choosing an anchor.  Each team will have a pitcher of beer and each team member will be given a quarter.  One player of each team will battle each other at a time, each player will try to bounce a quarter into their pitcher.  Once a player makes their quarter into their pitcher, their next teammate may begin shooting their quarter.  Once all the players on a team make their quarters they begin drinking their pitcher of beer.  Every player must drink some of the pitcher and the anchor must finish the pitcher.  Every player may only drink once and the anchor cannot drink until all other team members have drank.  The first team to finish their pitcher wins.

Flip Cup

Each team sets up one side of a table opposite a member of the other team.  Each team member will place a solo cup in front of them.  Before the round begins, each player will fill their cup with 1/3 of a beer.  One player from each team (opposite eachother) will start the match.  The starters will begin using down-up-down rules, they will touch their cups DOWN to the table, then UP to touch cups, and finally back DOWN to the table, after which they will drink their cup as quickly as possible.  Once all the their beer has been finished, the player will place their cup rightside up on the edge of the table and try to flip it over onto its rim (aka facedown).  Once a player flips his cup facedown the next teammember may begin drinking their beer and trying to flip their cup.  This pattern is repeated until all team member finish their beer and flip their cups facedown.  The first team to flip all their cups wins the match.  The next match begins with the players next to the original starters using the same DOWN-UP-DOWN technique.  The match will precede the same way with all team members drinking and flipping and ending with original starters.  Enough matches are played so that all players have started at least once and a best of series has been completed giving one team the victory.

Case Race

This one is simple, each team must finish a case a beer as quickly as possible without vomiting.  Any teammember that vomits must sit out and the other members must finish his share as well as their own.

I am Alana, or Vanilla, as some people like to refer to me.. I’m really not even sure how that name came to be but it did, and I do respond to it so, I guess it could be considered to be a nickname.. I am a member of the SDC, and as Puff said if you ask nicely I will tell you about it.. I met Puff at work, which is pretty much a fuckin riot, and over time met Alex.. who is also a part of the SDC.. But he’s being slow and not writing anything about himself..

Most Famous For:

So far, with only being a new member of this particular group of friends, I guess I would probably be most famous for having a tendency to break something every time I get around these folks and there is alcohol involved.. Things that I have broken include the following so far: my ass bone, my knees, a concrete wall, and my toe, so far, but I’m sure that list will be added on to at some point in the near future.. I also am

Punishment of the Ass

famous for spitting out my drink while laughing.. I have done that quite a few times at work so far, and every time was in Puff’s office, which I can honestly say I do not regret because both times were great..

Most Embarrassing Moment:

So, one day at work, Puff and I are walking from one building to the other and he starts talking about his friend Alex, whom at this point I have never met.. One day, Puff and I are talking about eating and stuff because both of us like to eat, and he then tells me that one of his friends gets food stuck in his sinuses when he eats and I said well he should try a feeding tube.. On another day, he randomly out of nowhere asks me if I like Asians and I said no (just a joke, I have a tendency to be a smartass).. Then he says oh cause my friend Alex, the one you said needs to try a feeding tube is Asian and I’m going to tell him that you said all of these horrible things about him.. I really didn’t believe that he would seriously tell him, because he knew that I was just fucking around with both comments.. One night he invites me over to his apartment for a little get together.. He introduces me to this guy Alex who then gives me all kinds of shit about the things that I said about him, even though they were all jokes.. I was quite embarrassed.

Redneck Puff

I am Sean Harvey, better known as Puff, and sometimes as chocolate thunder ; ) and I am 300 pounds of pure sex appeal. I am a key member of The Crew, SDC, and Team Storm… if you ask nicely I will tell you about them. Those that know me often refer to me as Motherfuckin Sean Harvey and those that don’t soon do. My legend usually precedes me wherever I go so to those reading this that might not know me, be prepared as the waves of my greatness will soon hit your shores, haha.

Most famous for:

As you will see on this site, I am probably best known for my ridiculous shenatics and of course, drinking. I am by and large the 40s drinking champion. My current records stand at one 40 oz in under 1 min. and two 40s in under 5. And although I claim to have retired from such antics, I accept all challengers.

Perfect Date:

We would start the night by taking a private limo to a fancy restaurant right off Maimi beach. Sitting under the stars on the patio I reserved just for us, we would dine on the most delicious food and finest wine America has to offer as the soft ocean breeze cools the Miami heat. For dessert, I would blindfold you and feed you chocolate and caramel covered fruit so you savor every last aroma and flavor. I would then take five or six tequila body shots off you, haha.

After dinner, we would walk barefoot along the beach discussing ours dreams and desires. Lying on the beach, I would point out each of the constellations as we watch the meteors shoot across the sky. We would then engage in the most vigorous sex on the beach you have ever experienced. Followed again with another round in the limo on our way back to my place and again the following morning. After I serve you breakfast in bed, I will inform you that it is time for you to leave as I must prepare for another date I have that night.

Do you often find yourself late to everything, even if you planned it out yourself?

Do your friends tell to arrive 30 minutes early just so you might actually show up on time?

Are you a minority?

If you answered yes to these questions you suffer from CPT (colored people’s time). As a fellow sufferer I understand that despite what others may think this is not something you can control. It is just who we are and others will just have to accept this. What follows is a brief breakdown on CPT and ways alleviate some of the symptoms.

Colored people’s time is an ancient affliction that affects those “of color.” These people “of color” are perpetually late to everything, no matter how early they try to get ready time will just slip away. Now before I give folks the wrong impression, CPT is not to be confused with the cliché “fashionably late”. This phrase is only used by those that think they are cool and are only late for 1 of 3 reasons.

1. They do it purposefully in order to try and convey some sense of coolness they don’t possess

2. The Ford POS they drive would not start… again

3. The bus was late.

Real sufferers of CPT are never late on purpose; they are merely victims of the bitch we call Time. There are a few out there that abuse CPT. They make themselves late, or worse their friends as well, simply to “get to the next save point”, play “just one more level” in a video game, watch one more youtube video or update “one little thing” on their facebook or myspace page. These folks disgust me and should be dragged out to the desert, castrated and beaten with a cactus.

To those that suffer from CPT the only advice I can offer is to prepare as far in advance as possible and hire a personal assistant to help you stay on track.

- Sean “Motherfuckin” Harvey